Magic Johnson is Rattled

Attention friends: Everybody follow @MaqicJohnson on Twitter RIGHT NOW!

I’ve been beyond fascinated with Magic Johnson’s tweets for a long time now. I can hardly even put my feelings into words. One of the only explanations I can come up with is that Magic has actually already died of AIDS and has been replaced by Robot Magic Johnson. Here are some scorching hot takes he’s given lately.

Ok seriously Magic Johnson. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!!?!? What is in your job description? What do you bring to the table?  What is your value proposition? Are you breaking news? Are you earnestly congratulating the Atlanta Hawks on a game 5 victory? Is that your place?

No dude I think we’re pretty aware of how much you love basketball. Are you still trying to prove that or something? It’s literally the only thing you ever ever ever talk about ever, and you do it with the insight of a child. I just don’t get what purpose you serve as an analyst. It’s like you’re reading out of an up to date basketball almanac. You’re just the sum of all of NBA sports media’s parts.

And I don’t even know where to begin with his website. You just gotta check it out for yourself if you really wanna go down that rabbit hole. The articles literally read like they’re answers to 7th grade essay test questions.

But this sequence tonight is my favorite by far. Earvin Magic Johnson comes from wayyyy out of left field with these tweets.

How out of touch with reality is Magic Johnson that this is something on his radar. There’s overtime basketball going on. Don’t you want to see if Dwyane Wade can lead the Heat to a big road win against a young Raptors team? And come on man is this this really the guy you’re worried about???


Maqic has less than 100 followers. There’s literally nothing he could do that could make us think you’re weirder than you already are. You’re worried about a “fake Magic Johnson” on the internet? I’m still worried that YOU are a fake Magic Johnson. There’s no way you can be so brilliant at basketball and so far off the rails of reality all at the same time. It can’t be explained.

God’s speed Magic. And CAPS ON!!!!

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