Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July people. Been off the keys for a bit, but I don’t like the direction this country is headed in right now, and I will NOT be quiet any longer. If we continue down this path, we will not be celebrating the 4th of July in the same way ever again.



It’s only a matter of time before people in our country start boycotting the 4th of July. It happened with Columbus Day, and nobody spoke up because we’re all too ashamed of a little “genocide” in our past. But just because Chris Columbus went America all over some Navajo asses, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be celebrated as one of our greatest American heroes. The 4th of July would not even be possible without the work of Christopher Columbus and his awesome boats. Columbus was a fucking winner, simple as that. I mean, everyone loves Lebron James right now, despite the fact that he just slaughtered a whole bunch of Warriors up in San Francisco. If Christopher Columbus was playing the Indians in youth baseball, they would have called a mercy rule in the first inning. But they weren’t playing youth baseball. They were playing war, and there were no rules in that war, so he just kept winning.






If you’ve been paying attention to the headlines this 4th of July season, then you’ve noticed that the same thing that happened to Homeboy Chris C is starting to happen with our Nation’s Birthday. I have not seen any direct 4th of July boycotts yet, but over the last few days, some people online have been throwing out some super weird/aggressive takes on America.


Case #1: This Associated Press poses an important questionAre we overusing the tribute of flying flags at half-staff?

On the list of problems in our country right now, where does the staffing of flags rank on the list? Top 1,000? Doubt it. But apparently this is an actual problem for some miserable American’s out there nowadays.

Who in the hell hates honoring people so much that this is the cause they decide to champion? I wanna meet the dick who drives into work, sees a half-staffed American flag, and mutters to himself, “Damn queers never fought for my country” … Ladies and Gentlemen … that dick is Larry Kelley.


larry kelley flag.jpg


Seeing half-staff flags on July Fourth last year jarred Amherst, Massachusetts, resident Larry Kelley, who felt the tribute — part of a 13-day honor for a state senator — “sends the wrong message” on the nation’s birthday.

Larry Kelley (aka the Silver Fox) was JARRED. This guy huh? What an American. Ya know Larry, you really shouldn’t be holding that flag so close to your mouth when you breath fire takes like that. What a flag raiser Larry is. What is the wrong message that this sends Larry? I’ll answer that, the message it sends is that we should remember fallen soldiers on Independence Day. I get that this holiday is more about celebrating our independence, as opposed to remembering the troops. That’s what Veteran’s Day is for. And what Columbus Day should be for. But c’mon Lare. Focus your hatred elsewhere. There’s plenty of other terrible shit to be worried about. HARAMBE IS FUCKING DEAD!!!

“The AP’s analysis of proclamations from 50 state governors and the federal government found the Stars and Stripes were lowered at least someplace in the country on 328 days during 2015.”

HELL YEAH IT WAS. USA! USA! 328! 328! SCREW YOU LARRY! SCREW YOU LARRY! And screw the other people who voted in this poll within the article.



Hopefully with all the fuck terrorism energy we got going around we can up that number to 366 this year. Let’s expand half-staff flying to commemorate our fallen sports heroes, entertainers, and zoo animals. That’s American as shit. Is it possible to hang multiple flags on a single pole at multiple different levels of staff? If so lets do it. I’m not about more people dying, but I am all about honoring things. Plus, I don’t hate America like Larry and 72.73% of people who voted in the article.


Case #2: People are asking us hard-working Americans to be “Mindful” of our fireworks celebrations this holiday season, because … drumroll drumroll drumroll … Fireworks trigger PTSD in combat veterans

“When we come back home and there’s the 4th of July, especially when the fireworks are going off and not expected, that has a tendency to aggravate a lot of things for a veteran with PTSD,” says Chris Krieger, President of WNY Heroes, Inc.

Krieger said it’s also a good time of year to raise awareness about veteran suicide prevention. 

Thanks Captain Buzzkill.

I want it on the record, that the ONLY things I am mindful of on the 4th of July are Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, and blowing up as much shit as possible. However, I gotta give it up for this story. If someone is trying to take down the 4th of July and all it’s glory, this is the PERFECT headline. It essentially translates to, “We must quit having fun while celebrating America because troops.” — Dear America, Please stop shooting off fireworks, Love Troops — Who can even dispute that? Some powerful stuff right there. Unless it’s possible that the troops hate America? That would be a strong stance to take, but I don’t think I can stand by it. If I’m being perfectly honest here, as I’m typing this, fireworks are going off like mad in LA and it’s a totally valid argument. It sounds like ISIS outside right now.

Mark my words — slowly but surely, we are gonna start seeing more stories like this around patriotic holidays. The pieces are all there. Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, he owned slaves, fathered a bunch of not legit kids. Ben Franklin was basically the Dirk Diggler of the 1700’s. George Washington totally lied like all of time. As soon as the right idiot puts these pieces together in a way that is horrifying, the 4th of July will seize to exist as we know it. So if you love fireworks, and if you love America, do whatever you can to resist these stories. The second one is pretty valid I guess, but aside from that, people just love to break controversial stories that bum people out. Do not give them attention. Just keep pretending PTSD doesn’t exist and we should be fine.

HAPPY 4TH !!!!!!




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