Speed Rankings: Top J.R.’s

I’ve been told many times by my parents that they almost named me Elmer. The reason they didn’t is because I had a great uncle or something like that who was named Elmer Rich and apparently he was a dick. So they decided to name me John. Nothing about that adds up, so I’m addressing them indirectly thru this blog — Love you Mom & Dad. Sometimes I wish I was an Elmer just to be different, but JR is pretty cool initials to have. There’s a lot of great JR’s out there in the world. JR Speed Rankings. Go.

J.R. Smith

I’ve had the argument before on whether or not J.R. Smith was a great player. I said yes. Actually, I said something like, “J.R. Smith is great” and then my bro was like “You think he’s a great player?” and I wasn’t gonna back down like a bitch, so now I stand by the fact that J.R. Smith is a great player. I’ve actually convinced myself of this fact now. Because in my mind, everything is entertainment. Movies, Parks, Ponds, Ducks and especially Sports. If you don’t think J.R. Smith isn’t great entertainment then you’re crazy

Not only does he hit insane 3’s. But if you YouTube J.R. Smith, aside from his best shots, you’ll also find this.

Jeremy Roenick – Hockey Player/Analyst

Either Mike Milbury or Keith Jones once said that Jeremy Roenick used to aim for goalies knobs. He’s a knob guy. Sometimes I pretend to know the difference between Mike and Keith, but I really don’t. I know Mike Milbury is supposed to be the funnier/weirder one, but I think we all know the two of them only exist together inside the booth of NBC Sports.



Although Jeremy Roenick is a bit of an American hockey hero (maybe?), I prefer JR for his books. I haven’t actually read either of these, and they say “don’t judge a book by it’s cover”, but I’m gonna go ahead and guarantee that both these books are beauty reads.

Note the Foreword by Chris Chelios. Classy stuff from JR. It’s all about the company you keep.

John Rich Country Singer

Born January 7th, 1974

Big & Rich. Super fun band. Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy was a great jam. Took me embarrassingly long to finally understand what that meant. I always knew it was sexual, but I was way older than I should have been when I finally got it.

He also used to slap bass for the band Lonstar in the 90’s. No wiki.

Some of John Rich’s best tunes. In order (Keep that in mind)

  • The Good Lord and The Man
  • Pray For You
  • Drinkin ’bout You
  • Drive Myself to Drink
  • Brand New Buzz
  • Country Done Come to Town
  • Shuttin’ Detroit Down
  • Kick My Ass
  • Never Mind Me
  • Everybody Wants to Be Me

John Rich – Author/Comedian/Entrepreneur 

Obvious choice


Jason Richardson – NBA Player

Jason Richardson definitely dunks. Goes by J-Rich as well — a name that I’ve tried on from time to time as well. But only seems to fit well when one of my cooler friends is calling me J-Rich, or when I’m in a batter’s box. Black J-Rich = NBA . White J-Rich = youth baseball. Both JR’s peaked during those times.

JR – “Who Shot J.R.?” (from Dallas)

That is literally all I know about this JR, is that “Who Shot JR?” is a popular question in the TV show Dallas. I used to live in Fort Worth, and when you live in Fort Worth you can tell people you live in Dallas and get away with it kinda. At least I used to.. but that’s Dallas.

J-Roc – Trailer Park Boys

Final JR of the Speed Rankings. Everybody loves J-Roc — “Know what I’m sayin? All we’re sayin is you know what I’m sayin?”

“What are you from the Department of Know What I’m Sayins?”

If you didn’t know J-Roc was sayin’. You do know. ROC PILE FO’ LYFE.

JR’s gotta stick together


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