http://www.cnn.com/2016/09/13/opinions/climate-kids-federal-lawsuit/index.html – John D. Sutter, CNN
Before I being, I should disclaim that me talking about politics like I have any idea what’s going on makes me out of pocket in my own right. I have not seen the Al Gore movie. I could not tell you 3 fun facts about climate change. But I’m online right now, where anger/CAPITAL LETTERS carry more weight than actual knowledge. IMHO the climate changes every hour, so what’s the big deal? This morning I had a coffee on the porch wearing a light sweatshirt. It’s 1:30pm now, and I’ve switched to a cut off tee. It even rained in Los Angeles yesterday, but I refrained from tweeting our mayor about it. I especially don’t understand how the blame gets put specifically on Obama for this, and I’m not gonna try to either. However, this suspisciously diverse gang of unruly youths suing Obama over climate change annoys the piss out of me. The descriptions of these kids, and especially the quotes they throw out here, really make me want to take a young aspiring bully under my wing and teach him to bash nerds Stelio Contos style.
For instance, take a look at the quote from this cat Aji Piper. The kid’s life is apparently so awesome that climate change is the thing keeping him up at night.
Aji Piper, 16, of Seattle, told me climate change is “all consuming” in his thoughts. “It’s hard to think about anything else when you have this massive, overarching problem.”
I asked Piper how he would rank climate change as a stressor: Was it above or below school, relationships, family and friendships?
“I think climate change is top,” he told me. – John D. Sutter, CNN
Do you know how badly I wish the #1 thing I had to worry was climate change? Especially at 16 years old. But at age 16, A-Pipes is apparently crushing life so hard that he’s more concerned about cleaning up polluted pipes than laying his own. That’s not normal.
Next up we have Victoria “Websters” Barrett who brings us this All-American Meat Sandwich of a quote made on Thesaurus Bread.
“It’s pertinent to literally the existence of humankind. We’re some of the people to be like, ‘Yo cut it out with that.’ And if you don’t do it, we’re going to sue you to do it. … It’s really important to posterity what we’re doing.”
Batting 3 & 4 are Jayden Foytlin and mother of the year candidate Cherri Foytlin who won’t give up the fight either. Here they draw parrales from their personal lives.
Jayden Foytlin doesn’t plan to give up, either.
Her mother told me how her daughter, at 5, entered a sheep-riding contest with mostly older contestants. Two of her older siblings fell off the sheep right away.
“This sheep dragged her all over. It stepped on her. She didn’t let go,” Cherri Foytlin told me
Lets hope the courts show the same tenacity
Great parenting Cher. I’m sure those cloven hooves toughened your kid right up and prepared her for all the challenges life has in store. Adrian Peterson would be proud. As is evident in the video below, Cherri clearly has the best interest of her child at heart. She certainly is not more focused on using them for her own entertainment, or to advocate for her own personal beliefs. That is definitely not what is happening here, and is definitley not what Mutton Busting is all about.
CHERRI FOYTLIN! BUSTIN MUTTONS! PARENT. OF. THE. YEAR.
Tia Hatton (age 19) & Zealand Bell (age 12) both shared powerful quotes in which they cited shorter ski seasons as reasons for caring about global warming. I love snow skiing as much as the next guy, but it’s hard to take a kid seriously when their main concern seems to be less time spent at the family lodge in Breckenridge. Just pick up golf kids c’mon.
But my favorite quote may come from 15 year old Nick Venner.
“I chose to join the case because it sounded like something I could actually do.”
That quote actually makes me sad. Nick’s been beaten down so bad by age 15, that the only reason he needs to take on something like this is, “It might be something that I won’t fuck up.” Poor guy. Even worse for Nick, they’re probably gonna lose this too. I have a hard time imagining that a group of youths is gonna take down the Federal Government. Even if they do have a Jayden Foytin who Busts Mutton, Loves K-Pop, and wears a choker while on the stand.
But if the youths come strong with legitiamte, provable, scientific facts, and Obama does end up needing some help — my advice to him is to simply remind them that Science is a LIAR Sometimes.
And if that argument isn’t enough, and Obama’s hot shot government lawyers can’t get the job done, I know another guy who might help. He mostly specializes in Bird Law, but he dabbles in various other lawyerings as well. Take that advice into cooperation.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from blogging nonsense. It’s that all roads can be lead back to It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.