Lochte’s Locks: Week 5 (Featuring Jake Price @YacobBrady)

DISCLAIMER: I do not have time to edit this. There will be so many misspellings in this blog and it may be painful to read. But it’s super late and Ulysses just brought out a bottle of brandy so it’s now or never.

Buffalo +19 @ Boston College

Boston College is the most boring and generic team that has ever existed and they fucking suck. I don’t even think they’re capable of scoring 19 points.. Actually they scored 42 points last week. But it was against Wagner, who is the equivalent of the Junior Varsity Bowling Green Bobcats. But whenever Boston College is giving 19 points to a D1-FBS school, I will always take the other team. Go Bulls.

 

 

South Florida -5.5 @ Cincinnati

Away favorites are scary. But even tho the final score didn’t show it, South Florida played well with Florida State last week. Even when they were down big pretty late in the game, every player on the team was still woofing. And would you PLEASE look at this coaches sideways hat.

NCAA Football: South Florida at Cincinnati

 

NVM i can’t find the picture I was looking for. Be better internet. But still…. this is a guy that you bet on. Gonna have his team running thru a wall this week.

 

 

THE BOWLING GREEN STATE UNIVERSITY FALCONS #TALONSUP #ROLLALONG #AYZIGGYZOOMBA #FIREJINKS #HIRELES -2 vs Eastern Michigan

Am I betting with my heart here? Yes. Have I ever been more confident about betting on The Falcons? No. BG has been a large/stinky pile of shit this year. Seriously…. we just lost to Memphis 77-3. But don’t forget… we maybe have the best punter in college football.

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This has got to be the best series of tweets of all time.

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Seriously tho. This is the start of a new year for Bowling Green. After and abysmal out of conference performance, the Falcons are gonna come ready for some #MACtion

 

 

Lousiville -1.5 @ Clemson

I’m 1000% going to ride or die with Lamar Jackson until I see any reason to do otherwise. Lamar Jackson >>> Deshaun Watson. I’m typing directly at you Zachary Domer. Lamar Jackson will be physically slapping Deshaun Watson with his dick for the entirety of this game. ESPN has never been more right about a football player being the next big thing. Lamar Jackson for Heisman. While you’re at it, go ahead and bet your first born son on him winning the Heisman as well. Bobby Petrino and Lamar Jackson both fuck on the most regular of basises. Lamar Jackson will make Dabo Sweeney eat his racist ass words all game long. Free Kodak.

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South Carolina +18 vs. Texas A&M

South Carolina isn’t great. Clearly. Which is why they are an 18 point dog at home vs. Texas A&M. But tell me,,, if you didn’t know the spread on this, and just had to guess, what would you put it at? I’d probably have it around 10. But 18 points? That’s pretty heavy. This is a great throw $5 on the moneyline (+700) and see what happens game. South Carolina is still an SEC team with top tier recruits. It’s not like they’re garbage. They would still clearly win the MAC, and do you think the best team in the MAC would lay 18 points to A&M right now? I don’t. Bet South Carolina. Dicks out for the Cocks.

 


ATTENTION FOLKS. Hold onto your hats. Do not let go of your horses. Because Lochte’s Locks just got the upgrade of the century. We have our first guest picker. Folks… Jake Motherfucking Price @YacobBrady is in the pool, and he’s about to jacknife all over your faces.

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Jake Price fucks and makes correct picks. It’s literally all he does.

We have our first ever. Lochte’s Jake Price Is Right Lock Of The Week 100% Guaranteed To Not Fail Pick Of The Week. I’ve never agreed with a pick more than I’ve agreed with Jake’s pick on this game…

Tennessee -3.5 @ Georgia

This is almost as hard of a lock as the BYU/Toledo 52 point over was last night. Jake Price doesn’t think New Girl is a good show, and I still agree with him on this pick. That’s how guaranteed it is. There is 0% chance that Tennessee does not cover. NICK CHUBB ISN’T EVEN PLAYING. Georgia right now is the beasters of college football. They’re an SEC school, so you can still sell them for $30 an 8th, but deep down you know they’re mids at best. Good ol’ Rocky Top. Rocky Top Tennessee.  Wild as a mink and sweet as soda pop I still dream about that.

 

 

Now we’re on to Jake Price’s individual picks. I’m pretty positive that Jake peed in my shoes once back in high school because I made a joke about his backne in the hockey locker room and it hurt me so bad that I went and played for Eastwood my sophomore year.. but we’re friends now… I think… probably… Either way, you know the Price is right, so if you believe in Lochte, then you believe in Jake Price.

 

Miami -8 @ Georgia Tech

Jake with the Big Brass balls betting against Georgia Tech. That Flexbone Triple option offense is scary as hell. But Miami has been covering the spread every week so far, so I gotta give it up to him… great pick. Hurricanes beat Yellow Jackets.

 

 

Southern Mississippi -25 vs. Rice

JAKEY P FROM THE MOTHERFUCKING CLOUDS with this one. I almost fell off the couch when he sent this pick to me. But apparently, Southern Miss always covers. And my sources tell me that they’re “Black & Fast.” And it’s important to ALWAYS BET AGAINST RICE. That’s just a good ol’ fashioned life lesson right there. Brett Favre and the Southern Miss (Eagles?) come out on top with a big win.

 

 

*John Rich passes out drunk*

*Wakes up to an alarm that pisses off his bunkmate*

 

It’s 7:25am over here on the best coast. I need to work in an hour then drive Lyft after that. I don’t have much time left. I’m all out of commentary. But I believe in these picks so hard. If there’s one person aside from Ryan Lochte who will never fail on his picks and will always get every game right no matter what…. It’s Jake Price @YacobBrady. Bet. Your. Children. On. These. Picks.

 

West Virginia -2.5 vs. Kansas State

 

 

Arizona + 12.5 @ UCLA

 

 

Nebraska -20 vs. Illinois

 

 

*injects every single one of these picks into my veins*

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