Colored Profiling – Green

The color green is a color that I hold near and dear to my heart. I grew up in the town of Bowling GREEN. when I was a child my eyes were green (now more of a hazel). My brothers and I loved playing sports in our backyard on the green lawn. I’ve always wanted a pair of large foam green Hulk Hands. etc.

It is hard for me to put into words what exactly the color green means to me, so this will be a picture heavy blog.

Doug Funnie of the TV show “Doug” fame wears a woolen green sweater. Unlike other famous sweater wearers, Doug is not complicit in any sexual abuse scandals. He just likes wearing the sweater.

Famous artist Vincent Van Gogh is known mostly for painting Starry Night, self-portraits, and cutting off his own ear in a tragic simping accident. Not only does he use the color green in several of his paintings, he also dawns a green jacket in one of his most famous self-portraits. The green jacket has 1 single button at the top. The self-portrait is pictured below along with an artist’s rendering of what we believe his green coat looked like in real life.

The Green M&M is the sexiest M&M in the M&M family. She is an 8.9 on the Chipotle Hotness Scale for Women.

Fruits/Vegetables – there are many different fruits and vegetables that are the color of green. Not all of them are penis shaped, but some are.

Doug’s arch nemesis from the show “Doug” is named Roger Klotz. Whereas Doug wears a green sweater, Roger is a green person. Despite having green skin, Roger gets tons of puss. Fun fact about Doug, the original writers of the show wanted to show diversity by having the town high school be made up of kids of different races. Nickelodean said, “whoa whoa whoa hold your horses there Doug, that’s a little crazy don’t you think? We better just make them blue, green, and purple to be safe”.

Trees are also green. Not the trunks, but the leaves. Trees are the focal point of my plan to stimulate the economy post COVID. I did the math, and if we simply cut down every tree in the world and sold them for lumber, we could distribute $1,000,000 dollars to every person in the world.

Last but not least, marijuana is green. Here are some slang terms for marijuana that nobody has ever used once but Wikipedia seems to think are real

  • Mr. Green
  • Rope
  • Rainy Day Woman
  • Jazz Cabbage
  • Fine Stuff
  • David Kenneth James Martin
  • Chinese
  • Zoo-Wee-Mamma
  • Indian Boy
  • Ham

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