I Met Nick

I have decided to blog again. I decided to do so for 3 reasons.

  1. 2 weeks ago I was charged $120 on my Discover Card for my yearly Microsoft Office subscription
  2. 1 week ago I was charged $99 on my Discover Card for my yearly WordPress subscription to www.JohnRichTV.com
  3. On St. Patrick’s Day weekend I met Nick (KB) from Barstool

Here is how it went. I kept a log of my activities.

9:00am: Woke up at girlfriend’s house.     

Body 8/10

9:00-9:45am: Got ready. Put on festive soccer jersey.

9:45am: Put my dog in a cage.

9:50am: Took Uber to gay friend’s St. Patrick’s Day brunch

10:15am: Watched gay friends prepare brunch. Was a lot of work. I ate a strip of bacon to be nice.

10:45am: St. Patrick’s Day small talk. Ed Sheeran, Oscar Wilde, etc.

10:57am: Irish keg stand (right-side up)

11:00am: Put gay green jewels on my face

11:05am: Checked dog camera. Was still in cage.


11:15am: Took shots. Caught a buzz.

11:20am: Texted cocaine dealer

11:25am: Tweeted rap lyrics

11:30am: Played Irish cup ball. Celebrated being white.

12:00pm: Texted person who knows a different cocaine dealer

12:10pm: Facetimed cocaine dealer. No answer.

12:25pm: Took a gravity bong

12:30pm: Was too high. Wished I didn’t smoke. Got self-conscious. Deleted rap lyric tweet.

12:45pm: Had some thoughts

1:00pm: Chugged cold brew and Bang Energy

1:15pm: Left for bar.

1:45pm-2:30pm: Watched basketball at bar. Had drinks. Everyone was wearing green.

2:35pm: Saw Nick at the bar. He was nice. Turned out he never went to Ghana. He introduced me to his friend who isn’t relevant online. Didn’t acknowledge his friend at all.

2:41pm: Told girlfriend Nick was at the bar

2:45-2:46pm: Girlfriend accosted Nick at bar

2:50pm: Went back to friend’s table. None of them are relevant online either.

2:55pm: Wished I had cocaine

3:00pm: Ordered pizza from place next door

3:05pm: Felt bad that I didn’t acknowledge Nick’s friend. Like at all. I could have pretended for 2 seconds. That probably happens to him all the time.

3:10pm: Thought about life. I’m 30 years old.

3:15pm: Told my friend Austin to go tell Nick that I have a funny blog but I would never actually say it to him in person because I’m too embarrassed but it’s actually really funny and everyone loves it and he should follow me on Twitter

3:20pm: Nick followed me on Instagram

3:25pm: Thought about life more. I never achieved my dreams

3:30pm: Checked dog camera again.

3:35pm: Mental breakdown about how Barstool Nick is the man I always wanted to be and I am going to be selling corrugated boxes at Bostwick Industrial for the rest of my life.

3:40pm: Went to get pizza

3:45pm: Some sort of incident between me and girlfriend at Grandads Pizza next door????

3:50-6:29pm: ????????

6:30pm: Was home

6:31pm: Changed into comfortable clothing. Turned on basketball. Made ice cream sundae.

6:45pm: Took dog out of cage

7:00pm-10:30pm: Passed out

10:30pm: Woke up

10:31pm-Tomorrow: Thought about life

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