WANTED: Colossal Piece of Shit

DISCLAIMER: This is a vengeful blog. It’s also sarcastic. Don’t get me wrong I’m fucking livid. But I would never actually want to cause harm to this man. Well that’s not true. I do want to cause physical harm. But 1) I’m a law abiding citizen (for the most part), and 2) I’m much better at hiding behind hateful words on the interent, and this guy is like 6’4″ 260 lbs. I don’t have a death wish.

I’m really just writing this so I can get these feelings off my chest. Better people than me would be far more mature about this whole situation. But other people have actual day jobs, and futures, and aren’t trying to be clowns for a living, so this is right in my wheel house. This is why I’m here. I was born to put people like this in a coffin. Yesterday I declared open season on Safari Hunters. Today I declare open season on this parasitic monster. If only those Safari Hunters would focus their energy on real dangers to society — people like this.

Now, before I launch into it, let me qualify myself. I think I’m a pretty nice guy. I really do. I try to see the good in people. I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. Which is why I let this blob pictured below borrow my vehicle back in January.

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Does this look like the kinda guy would get a $200 parking ticket on your car, lie to you about paying it off, then skip town as they hit you with a massive overdue ticket? Well it is. You can also find this picture in the dictionary under ‘Human Garbage’. If he was living in the Hunger Games world, he would be the biggest piece shit in the Capitol. He would have been on Denzel Washington’s side in Training Day.

Thank god I didn’t write this yesterday when I was really upset or I most likely would have plastered his name and his company name alllll over this blog. That’s a tad too far I think. Maybe I’ll just write some crippling Yelp reviews instead. I really do feel a responsibility to warn everyone to not go anywhere near this guy. He will fuck you over. He will take advantage of you. I’ve seen him do it to multiple people at the hostel I lived in. He will lie to your face over and over again with no hesitation, and will ruin your life if he thinks it will “advance his career”. He calls it ‘networking’ but all he’s doing is trying to hustle people out of hard earned money that they actually worked for. He acts super religious and holy, and he really thinks he is that way, but in reality he’s much closer to the anti-christ.

Even if this whole ticket thing didn’t happen. This guy is still just about the worst person I’ve ever met. This is a man who walks around preaching to other people about being on a “higher path”, but at the same time wouldn’t hesitate to sell children into slavery if he thought would make him a quick $1000 bucks. If you were walking around Times Square with your family, and asked this guy to take a picture of you, he would take the picture, then hold your camera until you have him $20 for his ‘services’. Dude has the lowest morals I’ve ever seen on a person. He tried to convince me to steal information from a company that was kind enough to give me a job, and sell then sell the information to the company’s competitors. THAT IS SO ILLEGAL. HOW CAN YOU PREACH VALUES ONE DAY THEN TELL ME TO DO THAT. Biggest fraud I’ve ever met in my entire life (no pun intended).

This is a man who drives for Uber and put a MASSIVE tip jar right in the center council. THAT’S NOT HOW UBER WORKS YOU ARE BREAKING THE RULES. YOU ARE RUINING UBER. UBER IS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO THIS COUNTRY SINCE ABE LINCOLN AND YOU’RE FUCKING RUINING IT…. sorry I have very strong feelings about Uber drivers who think they should get tips.

This man was also selling $100 quarters of weed whilst driving Uber. Sweet hustle bro. You’re really out here gettin it huh? Seriously, trying that in California is beyond idiotic. I can literally have someone deliver a quarter of weed to my front door for $50 bucks.

This is a man who is so fucked in the head that he honestly believes that Roger Goodell is plugged into to the helmet mic of every quarterback in the NFL and tells them pre-snap when to throw interceptions to make the games more interesting. But he played Division 7 Junior College football so clearly he knows and I’m just a peasant.

I’m sorry man (I should really quit calling him man, he’s not a man, he hasn’t earned the right to be called a man yet). And I know this is hypocritical on a few different levels. I’m not a saint. But I’ve paid my debts to society. I didn’t flee the state as soon as I hit a minor obstacle in my life. YOU’RE SO PATHETIC IT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL TO THINK ABOUT YOUR DUMB FACE. You sir make my blood boil. Did I mention he once lived in Findlay, OH? Should have been an immediate red flag. Ben Roethlisberger is the best thing to come out of that town and he’s a rapist, but I would still trust Big Ben with my family 10 times outta 10 before I let them near this guy who’s name I really wanna put on here right now but I’m too much of a pussy to.

I hope you read this buddy. You picked the wrong guy to fuck with, because I’m gonna have SO MUCH FUN tracking you down. You’re gonna get what you got comin to you someday. Even if it’s not from me. You can’t treat people this way forever. Thoughts and Prayers to your friends and family back home. I hope they survive you.

FYI – Here’s the last message I sent to him this morning. I want to haunt his thoughts. I want to own 80% of the real estate in his brain. I want to be the first thought in his pea sized mind every morning when he wakes up.

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