I’ve been wanting to blog about the computer game Backyard Baseball for a while now. It was a HUGE part of my childhood. I spent hours upon hours of my days drafting unstoppable teams, and winning BBL Championships. The original Backyard Baseball consisted of entirely fictional child baseball players, which was a blast. But if you ask me, the game really took off when Backyard Baseball 2001 came out, and they included child versions of Major League Baseball players. The Clubhouse was never the same since.
The cast of characters chosen by the Backyard Baseball crew is nothing short of spectacular. You’ll be hard pressed to many pros featured in this computer game who haven’t been caught up in some sort of controversy. Most likely a steroid related one. But this game was a HUGE part of my childhood, and it blows my mind to think about how all my favorite players from Backyard Baseball were little league steroid users (Pablo “The Secret Weapon: Sanchez excluded). So I took the time to draft the most controversial Backyard Baseball team I could put together. Here’s what I came up with. Say what you want about ethics and what not, but this team beats your team 10 time out of 10.
1 – Barry Bonds – CF
This is how you know steroids ran rampant in Backyard Baseball. We got BARRY BONDS batting lead off. In all fairness, this is pre-Barry Bonds steroid use. So he still had some speed. Still fast enough to roam center field. But powerful enough to lead off the game strong with a solo home run any given day
2 – Alex Rodriguez – SS
I got A-Rod hitting in the 2-hole for the same reason Barry Bonds is batting lead off. Backyard Baseball came out prior to, or at least early on, in A-Rod’s steroid using career, so he’s still got some speed, and still has enough range to play shortstop. He’s a must have for any 2001 lineup. Steroids or not.
3 – Mark McGwire – 1B
Here’s where it gets fun. Mark McGwire is a guaranteed home run per game when he’s playing at Parks Department Field #2. You can always the players (like Mark McGwire) who had already begun using steroids with this game came out. You can tell because the creators of the game just made them look like cute fat kids. If this version of Backyard Baseball would have come out just a few years later, Barry Bonds would be portrayed as a fat kid too.
4 – Jose Canseco – LF
For the love of god how did Jose Canseco make his way into this game? From what I remember he wasn’t even that good. He was slow as shit and would just pop out all the time. I had to pick him tho. Jose is one of my favorite human beings on the planet for entertainment sake. And I can’t break up the bash brothers. That would just be cruel.
5 – Sammy Sosa – RF
I’m not sure what the verdict on Sammy Sosa and steroids is, but I know he can cork the fuck out of a bat.
And he’s also a white person now. That’s aside the point. But it’s one of the more fascinating things I’ve ever seen.
6- Jason Giambi – 2B
Jason “Slugger” Giambi here – how horrible are these nicknames Backyard Baseball gives out by the way? . Anyways, I feel like a broken record. This is another obvious steroid user. He may even be playing still. Which is pretty remarkable. Only thing that bums me out about this pick is that I have to stick him at 2nd base. But this lineup is all about artificially inseminated power. No time to worry about defensive positioning.
7 – Jeff Bagwell – 3B
I had to look up whether or not Jeff Bagwell did steroids or not. But upon Googling “Jeff Bagwell Steroids” and skimming over the headlines on the first page of Google, it appears he was a user. However, if you’re gonna pose for pictures like this, and adopt this batting stance, you’re basically announcing to world that you’re juicing on the reg.
P.S. I obviously know Jeff Bagwell was not a 3rd baseman. But as I said, I’m strictly looking for power. Defense is an afterthought.
8 – Mike Piazza – C
Mike Piazza is yet another player who has admitted to using PED’s. But Piazza was so fucking slow in Backyard Baseball.. it drove me crazy. He was a true home run or bust. However, he had a cannon from behind home plate. Also Mike Piazza reminds me of Keith Hernandez for some reason. And Keith Hernandez smoked cigs in the dugout + was on Seinfeld for an episode or two. So of course I love all that.
9 – Curt Schilling – P
Curt Schilling is my favorite selection to my squad. It’s up in the air whether or not Curt actually took steroids or not, but one thing that’s not up for debate — Curt Schilling is a certified crazy person. Most recently he was fired from ESPN for posting the following meme.
And just because this post got Curt Schilling fired – don’t think for a second that he’s gonna quit posting FIRE memes. He came out with this doozie just earlier today.
SOLID point Curt. Logic is air tight.
The fact that you can play a video game with child versions of these extremely questionable baseball players is fantastic. There’s nothing in the world of video games that compares to it. If you own a copy of Backyard Baseball, hold onto it. Keep in in good condition. Because in about 10 years from now, these games are gonna be nearly extinct, and we need evidence that a game with this many ‘legends’ actually existed.
Thoughts and Prayers to your families and God Bless.