I’m kinda Glad Cleveland sports suck: MY COLUMN

Obviously I’m not a Cleveland fan or else I wouldn’t be writing this article. I don’t claim to be one. At one point in my life I acquired a “Cleveland Indians Fans Parking Only” sign that hung in my room for a while, but I’ve got no explanation for that. However, I have been around Cleveland sports/Cleveland sports fans my whole life. So I know about their culture. Overall I consider myself pro-Cleveland guy. But you be the judge.

I have a lot of Cleveland sports friends. I have a ton of Browns friends & acquaintances especially. They have always lost, but they’re always great people. They’re great people because they are humble. They know how to lose and not let it ruin their day. They’re a blast to watch a game with. Because no matter who they’re playing, it’s like a playoff game. If the Browns win, it’s a fucking party. They’re passionate fans. I’ll admit, it’s selfish on my part because I’m not emotionally attached to the Browns. But it’s not like I’m reveling in their misery. The thing is, when they lose which is like all the time, I don’t gloat. If anything it bums me out a bit. But when they do lose, my friends don’t become bummers to hang out with. Why? Because their whole lives don’t revolve around sports – if it did they would kill themselves. I mean that in a good way, I mean they’re well rounded people. They’re used to losing, so if you’re to watch a Browns game with Browns fans it’s gonna be a fun experience either way. If the Browns win, you’ll have the time of your life. I always enjoy a good Cleveland win. I mean, I don’t enjoy it anywhere near as much as my friends who are true Browns fans do, but I would be thrilled to see all these people I grew up with, people I’ve experienced going through miserable sports experiences, finally win something. And I would celebrate along with them because it’s a great sports moment. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with celebrating your friends happiness. It’s not like I want to steal the spotlight from them, but I enjoy being around happy people, and I can’t imagine a happier group of people than Cleveland sports fans after they finally win something.

BOTTOM LINE: if the Browns lose, Browns fans are great because they’re accustomed to losing and will enjoy themselves anyways. But when they do win, it’s time to RAGE. Can you imagine the parties to be had if the Browns made the playoffs? They would be legendary. So in a selfish way I’m glad the Browns suck, and i hope they keep sucking. But if they do succeed, I’ll enjoy being with my Browns friends either way, because they’ll be happy as fuck and I like t0 be around happy people.

I can’t even imagine being friends with Patriots fans. They would win 10 regular season games and a playofff game and would still be crazy disappointed. THAT I could not handle. Thank god the Lakers suck right now or else I would probably blow my brains out with all their Kobe propaganda.

And don’t get it twisted. Ohio State plays a role in all of this too. I hate Ohio State. I hate Ohio State. I hate Ohio State. I hate Ohio State. Ohio State fans are passionate, but they ALWAYS win. I can’t even imagine if the Browns were as good as Ohio State. Living in Ohio would have been insufferable. But the way things are now, there’s a nice balance between really good teams and really bad teams, which I can live with.

I love Ohio as it is right now. I hope the Cavs win the championship this year. I hope the Indians sweep their way thru the playoffs, and I hope the Browns go 16-0 next year. I also hope Ohio State gets hit with an SMU Pony Express sized scandal.

Fuck the Buckeyes. Go Ohio. I’m out.

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