I fired off a Backyard Baseball blog the other day. I see no reason I can’t do so one more time. Last time I highlighted Backyard Baseball 2001, which included pro athletes. Now I’m gonna review the OG Backyard Baseball game. No pro players involved. The entire game consists of fictional little league baseball players. If you’re familiar with Backyard Baseball, then you know that the Little Socks are the team to be, and as their General Manager, I’ve assembled an unbeatable squad.
1 – CF – Pete Wheeler
The most appropriate name in all of sports. Not just because he’s the fastest player in the game, but you know he wheels bitches left and right too. Just look at this lady killer. No woman can resist a speedy ginger with a dildo for a head. Pete Wheeler can lead off and play center field for the Little Socks any day.
2- 2B – Pablo Sanchez
Pablo “The Secret Weapon” Sanchez is clearly on the team. He should really be batting 3rd or 4th, considering he’s the best power and the best contact hitter in the game. But you gotta get some speed on the base paths early. No worries tho. The Secret Weapon has some SERIOUS protection batting behind him…
3 – RF – Kiesha Phillips
Pablo Sanchez couldn’t ask for better protection batting behind him than Keisha Phillips. This girl has POWER & SPEED. I would hate to be a catcher on the opposing team with Keisha Phillips barreling down on you. No way Ryan Vanderhook can handle that (serious inside backyard baseball reference right there).
4 – LF -Mikey Thomas
I’d argue that Mikey is the best hitter in the game next to Pablo. Keisha is great as well, but she’s pure power. Her contact isn’t nearly as impressive as Mikey’s. If Mikey gets a pitch on the outside of the plate it’s game over. He’s gonna take that bitch over center field, and trot around the bases slower than Bartolo Colon. Except Mikey does it about once a game. Perfect 4 hole hitter.
5 – C – Achmed Khan
Hits for power. Hits for contact. Is a terrorist.
6 – 1B – Jocinda Smith
Jocinda can play a mean first base. Great baseball sense. Excellent prowess. She’s got the intangibles. A real players player. A great clubhouse guy. I’m out of cliches. Jocinda Smith is boring as fuck, but she’s got 4 baseballs worth of power so I gotta have her on the team. I can’t deny that she’ll help make the Little Socks a contender for the BBL Championship this year.
7 – P – Amir Khan
5 Tool Player. Underrated Pitcher. Terrorist
8 – SS – Stephanie Morgan
Not only does this girl have range for days. But she can fit the biggest wad of gum in her mouth this world has ever seen (insert inappropriate underage sex joke here). She’s got potential.
9 – 3B – Ricky Johnson
I’ve always been partial to Ricky Johnson. He’s not a great offensive player, but he has tremendous length which makes him a great 3rd baseman. I dare you to shoot a line drive down the line with Ricky “Fella” Johnson on 3rd. The man has SERIOUS range. Ricky saves multiple runs a game from his height alone.
If you disagree with my lineup I would LOVE to hear your argument. Just know that you’re wrong, and that I will be winning the argument. This is a team of all stars.
THE LITTLE SOCKS DO NOT LOSE