Colored Profiling: Blue

This edition of Colored Profiling featuring the color BLUE begins with a choose your own adventure. This blog comes with the background music of your choosing. You may choose the classic one hit wonder I’m Blue Eiffel 65, or the musical stylings of legendary blues musician Lightnin’ Hopkins with his smash hit Bring Me My Shotgun.



Popular children’s show, Bear In The Big Blue House features a large grizzly bear who lives in a blue house. Bear In The Big Blue House is unrated on Rotten Tomatoes, likely due to the dangerous lessons it teaches children. Who in their right mind would let a bear in the house? I’ll tell you who, a young child left home alone by his mother while she is away at the grocery store, or out selling her body for crack. A child who has been watching Bear In The Big Blue House will think, “Hey look it’s a bear at the front door! I am sure he is friendly! I should let him inside so we can sing songs, take LSD, and talk to the moon!”

bear in the big blue house with moon
Bear and Moon high AF


If you are a masochist who likes the feeling of knives in your eyeballs, you might be familiar with Rohto Ice eye drops. Rohto Ice eye drops have a blue cap. You could buy Visine or Clear Eyes like a sane person. But if you prefer your eye drop experience to be excruciating, Rohto Ice is your best bet. Maybe Moon should have thought about using Rohtos before going on a cable television show for children.

rohto ice


My dog Dock’s original collar was blue. I love Dock and he deserves to be featured in my blog. Here is a picture from the day I found Dock. He was terrified of me at this point. I told him I would be taking him to the pound unless he passed a series of tests both physically and mentally grueling. Long story short, Dock passed my tests, and we have been best friends ever since.

dock day 1


Regulation racquetballs are typically blue and will leave a welt if you are struck with one. Racquetball is a dangerous sport, and should not be played under any circumstances.


Popular video sex website (aka my ace in the hole if shit hits the fan) uses a blue logo & backdrop.

only fans me


The popular style of pants known as “jeans” come in a variety of different colors, however Blue is by far the most popular. There are 5 different styles of  jeans.

jeans styles


If you’re not wearing jeans, then you might be playing baseball. The baseball team featured in the 1994 cult classic “Tom Emanski’s Baseball World’s Defensive Skills Video – endorsed by professional baseball player Fred McGriff” wear blue jerseys.

A majority of current Major League Baseball players learned everything they know from Tom Emanski & Fred McGriff’s instructional videos. Unfortunately, my parents did not care about the fundamentals of the game, and refused to buy me Tom Emanski’s tapes. If they would have done so, then I would likely be playing for the Toledo Mud Hens right now.

One ex-major leaguer who was suspiciously not featured in Tom Emanski’s video is Vida Blue.

Although Vida’s last name is Blue, the Oakland A’s wear jerseys that are green & yellow. But what does this mean? I did some personal research and uncovered something highly disturbing.

vida blue illuminati

Was 3-time World Series Champion Pitcher Vida Rochelle Blue Jr. a member of the dangerous secret-society/powerful death cult The Illuminati? Rich’s Blue/Yellow/Green Color Wheel Triangle Theory (TM) says yes. If the graphic above is not enough proof, consider this:

illuminati jay z beyonce ivy


Finally, (to end on a less scary note) car insurance enthusiast/sex icon ‘Flo from Progressive’ loves the color blue. Flo and her voluptuous DSL’s are featured in this week’s Chipotle Attractiveness Scale for Women. She earns our highest rating yet coming in at a 9.7/10.

flo attractive


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