Dear BGSU: Fire [insert head coach’s name]. Hire Marvin Lewis

Old TV Heads might recall the Dear BGSU: Fire Mike Jinks. Hire Les Miles blog from back in the day. The blog was a big deal at the time. Points were made. So were waves. The Bowling Green Football community was buzzing to the tune of 5 likes, 2 retweets, and 361 views. It garnered the only 2 comments ever made in the history of this website.

hire les comment 1

hire les comment 2

S/O Jason Hanes & Bob Pavlisko

 

However. Truth be told. I don’t think it was ever that close to happening. Les Miles is a big time coach who makes nearly $3 million per year. Bowling Green is a modest university. We’re a small town. At the time, Panera Bread was located downtown in an inconvenient location for travelers stopping through off I-75. It simply wasn’t a fit for Les. It was fun to dream about, but that’s all it was. A pipe dream.

pipe dream
The game Pipe Dream

 

I have grown as a person since then. Bowling Green has grown as a metropolis since then. We’ve added a Tropical Smoothie Café, and Panera Bread has moved to a much more accessible location.

One thing that hasn’t grown since then: Our football team. Certainly not in the W column. We’ve been the laughing stock of the MAC ever since Dino Babers left for Syracuse (boy Dino sure sucked at Syracuse last year right? Started with such high expectations then they lost to Maryland in embarrassing fashion and went STEEP downhill from there. If Dino had a good season he would have been considered for high profile jobs like Florida State. Now he’s on the hot seat at Syracuse. YIKES)

dino syracuse schedule
Embarrassing stretch of games for Dino Babers. Talk about a promising career flushed down the toilet..

 

Since then, we fired Mike Jinks. That was a start. We hired somebody else. The problem is I don’t even know our new head coaches name. Nobody does. I polled 200 random BGSU students (100 male, 100 female) and 0% new our head coaches name.

headcoachbargraph    headcoachlinegraph

Could I have bothered to learn his name? I could have. But that’s not on me. He’s been the coach for how long now? 1 or 2 years? And his name still hasn’t stuck in my head. That’s his fault. Maybe do SOMETHING noteworthy and I’ll bother to learn it. I remember I was in a restaurant at the same time as him once. My Dad (Greg) pointed him out to me and I said WHO CARES!!

Bowling Green deserves someone that makes me care. Someone who’s name the student population will remember. Someone we can be proud of.

That gentleman is Marvin Ronald Lewis III

Marvin Lewis Falcons

 

But John – isn’t this just the same recycled Les Miles blog except with Marvin Lewis?

  1. Shut the fuck up
  2. No because I have photoshop now.

There are a litany of reasons (3) why Marvin Lewis would be a perfect fit for B.G.S.U.

  1. Marvin Lewis is an Ohio guy. While coaching the Cincinnati Bengals, Lewis was often vocal about his love for the Birthplace of Aviation.

marvin lewis ohio quote

 

2. The Bengals are roughly the same colors as the Falcons which is conducive to my mediocre photoshop skills. I could never write this blog about Andy Reid. He’s coached the Eagles (green) and the Chiefs (red). Maybe someday I’ll be that good, but not yet.

Marvin Lewis 2
Took me like 5 minutes and it looks great

 

3. Last but not least, Marvin Lewis needs to re-invent himself. He left Cincinnati in shambles. A shell of a man with zero dignity and zero reason to wake up in the morning. A broken human being. His life was spiraling out of control.

marvin lewis sad
Marvin Lewis has a mental breakdown

Marvin is currently “working” as an assistant “coach” to Herm Edwards for the Arizona State Sun Devils. But at ASU, Marvin is nothing but scum on the bottom of Herm Edwards shoe, and he’s treated as such. Lewis spend his days as Herm Edwards lackey. He brings Herm his Starbucks and Herm throws it back in his face as a gag. The coaching staff uses his head as an ash trey and his face as a spitter. In the evening, Marvin trolls the college bars in Tempe, yearning after the sweet Sun Devil poon tang that he will never be able to achieve. It’s an ugly scene that I take no pleasure in reporting.

marvin herm bitch

 

Marvin Lewis needs to rebuild himself as a man. He needs to be somewhere where he can call the shots, and there’s no better place than Bowling Green, Ohio. A small respectable farming community with a Panera Bread and a humble campus on the other side of the tracks. It’s the perfect place for Lewis to rediscover his love of the game, and his passion for coaching.

BGSU has a long history of being a stepping stone to bigger and better coaching jobs. Not only does BGSU churn out quality football coaches, it produces quality human beings as well. From D.J. Durkin to Urban Meyer, Bowling Green can be proud of the men who have walked the sidelines at the Doyt. With the help of Bowling Green, Marvin Lewis will return to glory in no time.

 

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